Today I started out feeling excited about the fact that I feel completely ready for the holiday and for hosting. All the gifts are purchased and wrapped and divided up by family, cookies are made and bagged up for friends and family, the counters are clean, the bathrooms are Swiffered. So I just had to pick up some packing tape and envelopes at Staples and I saw all this stuff that would make great gifts, and I started doubting myself. Have I gotten enough? Have I done enough? Will it all be “enough”? I seriously wandered the store an extra fifteen minutes, picking up random stuff, pondering it, putting it down.
The holidays are a particular struggle for perfectionists, I think. Because you might never actually be done. You could just keep adding ribbons and bows and more and more and more. Which I think is the total opposite point of Christmas. But for me, it brings out my seemingly constant struggle: saying when good enough is good enough, closing the computer for the night, packaging up the boxes in the morning, calling it a day.
Working for myself is an insane blessing. And yet, as the holidays are here, it brings up my challenge anew: work is never done like it used to be. I don’t close up my desk and come home and put my feet up. I try to, I really do. But when your “office” is in your living room, it’s hard to focus on your family and not on your laptop.
One of my goals for 2010 is to more efficiently achieve a balance between home life and work life. It’s a hard thing to pull off when you make a living at your favorite hobby. Then the line between home and work gets blurry. And then you’re always working. So. I’m going to be shutting down my computer by nine every night. (ok ok it’s past nine right now, but it is still 2009 after all!) I’m going to be taking photos for myself, of my family, of my friends, not just of my clients.
Last night I took some time to catch up on some of my favorite blogs. I was inspired particularly (as always) by Deb Schwedhelm who is not afraid to get personal on her blog, and Erin Vey, whose photos always always inspire me to get out my own camera and play. Which is what I did.
Here is Tucker under the light of our little tree. It’s a Norfolk Pine potted plant, which I plan to use in our dining room after the holidays. It seems a little, um, little in our big new living room, but I love it. And I love the fact that I can shoot with only Christmas lights at ISO 2000 on my d700.
Happy happy holidays, all.